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Today has been a long day. This morning I had to go to the red cross to try to figure out why we got shorted on our pay. I had to go there to show them the power of attorney and/or to send Ethan an urgent message. Well, the lady at DFAS (the finance place) said that we were not given BAH. She said that we had gotten it on the 15th of sept, and the 1st of oct, but it was stopped for some reason (a reason she didnapos;t know) on october 3rd. So, she said I needed to call fort benning (where Ethan is) to figure out what happened. So, we called fort benning and got transferred to 389403289208 different people. Finally I got this guy on the phone that was some higher up of Ethanapos;s batallion, and he pulled up Ethanapos;s RN and said it showed him as single. I was like uh, no, Iapos;m looking at my marriage certificate. AND we got BAH on the last 2 pay cycles. He was like thatapos;s not possible because heapos;s only been here for 4 weeks. He was an ass. Then I had to explain to him that Ethan was at ft. Jackson for his GED class before, and heapos;s been gone for 2 months. Then he was just like well, did he show his marriage certificate when he got here. Iapos;m like I donapos;t know, Iapos;ve talked to him once since heapos;s been there and that was before this happened. He just said that Ethan has to go to finance and get it fixed and he canapos;t do anything. He doesnapos;t know how long itapos;ll take blah blah blah but he seems to remember hearing earlier that morning about Ethan having this problem. So, he seemed to think Ethan already knew about it, but he said he would tell him. So, I donapos;t even know if it will be fixed on the first, and my guess is no. But, I do think that they have to backpay us for it, so that will be nice. The only thing that sucks is that I will only get paid $560 on the first instead of the $1190 we are supposed to get paid. And I am taking a 2 day road trip, so I dunno how Iapos;m gonna work that. My account is going to be $100 in the negative because of my care payment, so Iapos;ll have $450ish for the trip.

I talked to Ethanapos;s mom about it. Basically I have enough money to get there, and thatapos;s kinda it. She said not to worry about it, she will buy me groceries and whatnot. I told her that I can pay her back once they fix this problem. She just told me not to worry about anything. That was kind of nice to hear. I feel like all I do is worry.

I wanted to buy this portable DVD player for Shaina for the trip, but I canapos;t. That sucks. I also talked to the insurance company today and I will have no trouble seeing an OB when I get there.

In other news, I went to this meetup today with a meetup moms group Iapos;m in. It was at Olive Garden, and then the park. Shaina had a a meltdown in the restaurant, and I ended up having to sit on the floor and hold her while she screamed for 20 minutes, and trying to brush her back and rock her. I didnapos;t really get to eat. I felt bad for everyone else, because my child was screaming bloody murder. She freaked out because she wanted to run around the restaurant and I wouldnapos;t let her. She played at the park for almost 3 hours after that though.

Another mom in the group with a 5 year old was there. She was really nice, but her kid really pissed me off. Shaina tried to drink his water, because she didnapos;t realize it wasnapos;t hers, and he started talking shit to her/about her. He was calling her a moron and a pig and a loser and all kinds of other names. The mama bear in me came out and I was pissed. The mother quickly made him apologize and took him to the car and left. Iapos;ve just never heard a child talk like that to another child. I wanted to smack him. No one talks to my baby like that.

OH, and I cleaned my room last night. It took me 3 hours. I packed up all Ethanapos;s stuff, and my prepregnancy clothes. My room was horrible. Iapos;ve been too sick to clean it. You couldnapos;t see the floor at all, or the top of the dresser. There was trash all over the place. I ended up taking 4 trashbags full of trash out. I have 2 huge bags of clothes to get rid of.

Also, a friend of mine was making Shaina a weighted blanket in exchange for Shainaapos;s summer clothes (she wants them for her daughter for next year). Itapos;s finished For those of you who donapos;t know what a weighted blanket is, itapos;s a blanket with tiny rocks or beads in it. This one weighs about 5 lbs. Itapos;s for sensory input. The occupational therapist thought it would be a good idea to use one. Iapos;m so excited to see if she likes it

Anyway, I hope everyone is having a good day. :)
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Iapos;m scared in my own dorm because this fucking fat ass kid from Miami is all hopped up on coke, tearing off the water fountains attached to the walls, and threatening to burn the place down.

Iapos;m never ever going to Miami if all the people there are like the kids from Miami who go here. Fucking asshole pricks who attack girls, get coked up and threaten people.

Iapos;m pissed, itapos;s 4 AM and I just want to sleep.
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Zugunruhe. At one time, I thought I understood that word, the meaning behind it. Yet this gathering we do is not the pull in oneapos;s chest to be somewhere, at sometime; the force of nature telling us as a species to come together. Instead like breed stock or zoo animals we are amassed, the routine of ordinary life thrown casually to us like a bone to a dog, breaking those patterns which pulled us to their conclusion. We wake up in our beds, blinking, wondering where we are; not so different from that moment in-between deep early morning sleep and true wakefulness. What sort of challenges will we face in the world outside our door? What sort of benefits?

Education. Home. Food. Perhaps it is these which are intended to gain our trust when given so freely. Nonetheless there are other moments of generosity, less obvious. A quiet moment with oneapos;s family. A chance to speak with someone you thought long dead. The tools required to do something great, that opportunity to rise up and seize the moment which travels with us from life to life, from world to world, wherever we may be. Whether this place is true refuge or merely the eye of the storm is yet to be seen, but I think for now I will trust to it.

Iapos;m sorry to soliloquize; I am, perhaps, more used to keeping a private journal. Greetings to you all. My name is Mohinder Suresh; I have been here for some time, yet you will excuse me if I continue to keep to my room, for now.
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I did not lose any fingernails as yet and I must be healthy since the one I lost has been growing back great guns.� I do eat healthy, but just too much.� THatapos;s my story and Iapos;m sticking to it.

OUr quilt show this year is a bust.� No pop, no pazazz, no spark. Itapos;s nice, but boringly blah.� I had to work this am for 2 hours and I�got bored just walking around a bunch of quilts and fabric.� What gives?/� I think I must be jaded to seeing and making really fabulous art pieces.� I guess there is still a place for traditional quilts in the calico style and colorway, but not with me.� Anyhow - a noted quiltmaker and author of several books (Iapos;ve taken one of her classes) did tell me today that she loved my quilt.� So - I respect her talent as an artist (she had the best 2 quilts there) and it was nice to hear.

WIll be leaving in about 30 minutes when my friend from Davis gets here to go to Roseville to a reception for a quilt/textile artist gallery show.� Should be fun and then we will likely go to dinner.� �I will, I am sure, be inspired to sew tomorrow.

Nice weather here today - cloudy this am when I was at the Farmerapos;s MArket where I got us some fab grapes and red pears to munch on this week when you all are up here.� She assured me the pears would be perfect on Saturday� Red BArtletts have a creamier texture.� FOund�fingerling potatoes that I will roast with rosemary�olive oil and chopped garlic tomorrow with grilled chicken adn fresh summer�squash.� See - I do eat well

Gotta go - reports later.......�


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Just�finished raya-ing�with the sr people�and this signifies the end of�all jalan rayas this year i had�fun today. Met up with�people i havenapos;t met in ages, ie; fatin (still�gorgeous) and bahar. Also, there an awesome group�of friends to have so it was never boring�although we did get a bit�sleepy towards the end. Kind of self-conscious of my house cos everyone elseapos;s was so spick and span but itapos;s the best itapos;s ever gonna be�and my family and i pretty much love it the way it is,�so canapos;t do much about that. Just�donapos;t expect�more ya. Hahaha.�

iapos;m hoping iapos;ll get photos soon so i can dress up this old place. I think itapos;s starting to get cyber cobwebs :D

alrighty iapos;m gonna sleep now. I havenapos;t had much sleep since thurs cos i went clubbing, had work the�next�day after which i went jalan raya with my fam and�only came back at aroud 4am() and then i had to wake up at around�9 this morning to go jalan raya with my friends so i am pretttyyyyyy shagged right now.�

to nazeera omar; happy twentieth your bday party was kinda nightmarish but know that we still hearts; you. NO�MORE�BOOZE
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Iapos;m noticing an interesting pattern on the official Spore forums.

Users of 32-bit Windows (ergo, the vast majority) are reporting all sorts of problems with the game.

Users of 64-bit Windows, myself included, are having zero problems with the game as of the latest patch.

As itapos;s already been established that Spore is a colossal memory hog, this doesnapos;t really surprise me, nor does it surprise me that the majority still doesnapos;t get it, 32-bit is going out of vogue.

Now Iapos;m torn between actually playing the damn game, and proselytizing the superiority of 64-bit Windows on the Spore forums. Hmm...
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This week has been pretty solid. School-wise, if I get the right classes next semester and take my science classes at AACC this summer, then Iapos;ll have completed all my core credits before Fall 2009. This means that the only classes Iapos;ll have to take after that will be upper-level English and American Studies classes...which couldnapos;t be any sweeter. If all of this works out as planned, Iapos;ll be on track to graduate in four years, even with a double major THIS IS SO GOOD. I also got the advisor that I really, really wanted for American Studies, and an A- on my first paper for ENGL301 (major accomplishment - I donapos;t have a good relationship at all with the professor in that class).

Iapos;m going to see Minus the Bear next Wednesday and itapos;s going to be awesome. The acoustic songs are really, really good right now. Maybe camping this weekend, maybe going to DC on Monday. The parents are going out of town at the end of the month, I do believe - no fucking parties, Iapos;m just tryna have the house to myself. I agreed to go visit Boulder in November - Iapos;m not really stoked on it, but maybe it will be fun? Everything would be so much better if I didnapos;t have a really terrible head cold, but I guess everythingapos;s pretty good anyway.
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Itapos;s almost, ALMOST raining right now, and frankly, itapos;s breaking my heart. I am feeling the tension in the clouds like Iapos;m feeling it in my body. I feel so shattered after that evil entity fucked my entire body and being over the other night, and it NEEDS to rain, it NEEDS to be released. I NEED to have a period. I NEED to throw up. I need to squeeze all the toothpaste out of the tube and I need to squish a pimple. I want to be on the floor, matter being expelled from every orifice, with all my skin slashed up to let the organs out. Sounds gruesome and messy but I just donapos;t want anything inside my skin anymore, itapos;s all poisonous.

Let it rain Watching the clouds like this is exhausting.
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Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome and Reverse-Seasonal Affective Disorder.

Iapos;ve tried to force myself to operate on a normal sleep schedule for... Well, for years. Ever since I�was first hospitalized back in 2005, and even before that. Iapos;ve always believed that I was just suffering from insomnia- Iapos;ve always been awake until between 4 and 6am and Iapos;ve always woken up between 12 and 3pm... Meaning that when I�was actually suffering from insomnia, I�was on a normal sleep schedule.

Heat drives me insane. The last time I�was in a hospital, I nearly slammed my head through a pane of glass due to the temperature of the God damned hospital ward...
Iapos;ve never been a fan of heat. Iapos;ve desensitized myself to it- thereapos;s little doubt of that considering that Iapos;ve yet to kill myself. But I still hate heat enough to allow it the potential of driving me to suicide, while I operate at my best during the most frigid of weather.

Iapos;m just a backwards little beaver.
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